What would you rather put at stake?

I have realised that i have to be sufficiently inspired to write. Well, sufficiently is still an understatement. I have to be truly inspired to write coz may be it either doesn't come to me naturally or may be i can write only about the things that move me deeply / make me think hard enough.

And one such makes-me-think-hard-enough incident occurred when a friend asked me what my passion in life was. Now, being a passionate person to the core, i dont have just one passion. I have many, which can be systematically confusing at times, especially if you are trying to make that into a career. And honestly, confusion always gets the better off me. But i believe sense will prevail soon.

Now passion is a very abused term. People randomly throw it around in conversations and probably don't get the true meaning of it. The Oxford dictionary defines passion as "suffering of pain". And this made me think - do i have one single passion in this world, which if i DONT pursue will result in pain? Then again i thought, even if i do happen to pursue this passion, that too will result in pain coz it requires me to get out of my comfort zone and really test my limits.

Many a times i think even i confuse my love for something as passion. And thats when i realise that it isn't important to just love what you do, but feel truly, vehemently passionate about it; especially for people like me who are trying to make a living out of their passions.

The truth is, the pain of pursuing your passion as a career is only temporary. Its a bitter sweet  feeling that leaves you feeling on top of the world at the end of the day. So if passion results in pain any which ways - whether you purse it or not (as a career) - doesn't giving it a shot make much more sense?

Quarter – Life Crisis

Finally the day has arrived of writing my first blog post. What took so long to get here was the fact that I was looking for the perfect subject to begin my blog, which is so rightfully called un-employable.

While reading the Sunday TOI of 11^th July 2010, I stumbled upon this article about quarter-life crisis. Not mid-life anymore since we live in increasingly speedy times. The article talked of how young adults (25-32 yrs mostly) want to break free from all the usual trappings of life – money, power, objects, gizmos, etc and find meaning in their lives. Haven’t we heard this one before!? Well, I found my sentiments reflected in there and the stories somewhat similar. Somewhat being the operative word. At the cost of sounding boastful, I have to state that in spite of being in this quarter-life crisis myself, I find that I’ve been able to think and act different than most people.

While I worked at Contract Advertising as an account planner, everyday I met people who either hated their job or didn’t like it too much. They constantly felt stuck in a rut; running that rat race knowing it in their hearts that they weren’t going to win. So who does win at the end of the day? The VP in the fish tank or the NCD with various metals to his name? If that is the goal, then good luck. But if its not then why are people still pinning for that promotion, award, increment and what not.

While I used to sit on my computer cracking briefs and writing pitch presentations, I always stumbled upon existential questions - Do I want to do this for the rest of my life? Do I want to spend my intelligence and time in building somebody else’s brand or my own brand? Do I want my life to be ruled by someone else’s whims and fancies or my own? And this is how my quarter-life crisis began. Slowly, this crisis stared me in the face everyday and I got more and more disinterested in my job, the promotion, cracking a brief, blah blah blah…

A lot of us are sailing in this same boat of life that is rocked by this crisis everyday. And there’s always a danger of it toppling over and taking us down with it. But, some of us choose to jump out and swim for our lives while others choose to stick it out but go down with it eventually. I chose to jump out and swim for my life and I have been swimming ever since. It has been tough and even after 6 months of being unemployable no shore seems to be in sight.

When I decided to quit my job cold turkey, a lot of people told me that I was being really brave. A lot of them advised me too - to find out what I wanted to do next, plan it and once it was all settled, then quit. But that wasn’t possible for me. Coz my heart just wasn’t in my job anymore. I would turn up at work at 12 o’clock and not really care a damn about it. When I stopped enjoying what I was doing, it was time to move on no matter what coz in my boredom I was being grossly unfair to my company, my bosses, my colleagues and my clients and this just didn’t seem ethically right to me. I was being unfair to myself too. I was wasting my time, feeling unenthusiastic everyday and not spending enough time in thinking about what I really wanted to do. So I thought to myself – why do I need this job? The answer was – so that I have enough money to support myself. But then I thought – paise hi toh kamane hai na? Toh koi aur way se kyun nahi? So I quit, with the hope of finding interesting ways to earn a living.

But I have seen that most people aren’t able to think like this. They are stuck somewhere in their heads with priorities gone all wrong. We are tutored - from the day we understand the word career – to study diligently, get good marks and get a fat paying job. Fuck passion, interest, meaning in our lives, job satisfaction, doing something we love and making a living out of it. Fuck all of this. Why? Coz you are uncertain about how much money it will get you. And this is same thing we will teach our children.

But I’m grateful to my parents that I’ve been taught differently. I’ve been taught to be fearless and follow my heart. I’ve been taught to be different and not conform. I’ve been taught to hold my own even if no one agrees with me. I’ve been taught to make mistakes and then correct them. I’ve been taught to dream big and not just dream. I’ve been taught how not to run the rat race but instead drift on my own unpaved path. And it was my parents who were the happiest when I quit my job and decided to do my own thing – whatever it was.

Being a gujju, entrepreneurship is in my blood. To top it all, my Dad is a fierce entrepreneur who didn’t succumb to taking up a job 15 yrs ago when his business took a beating and we almost lost our house. Sounds dramatic? It was. But that taught me some invaluable lessons in life, as early as 9^th grade. I learnt about money, life, confidence, belief and faith.

Similarly, taking this big step required a lot of self-belief and confidence. It required a lot of courage to face questions like – “so what do you?” – when I know the answer is that I’m kinda lost. If I would make up a fancy answer it would just look like I was basically doing nothing and making up some shit. It also required a lot of mental strength and determination to not be bogged down by uncertainty and failure. But that’s how life is as an entrepreneur, especially when you are struggling. Quitting this job also resulted in all my saving being spent and me being constantly broke. But this quarter-life crisis has only been easier coz of my parents who are being very patient with me and offering me advice, not to mention some pocket money.

But it also has come with some very good things. I don’t have a job to report to every morning. I don’t have to follow a schedule, which was always difficult for me. I’ve had 3 vacations in 6 months including an all expenses paid one week vacation to Goa thanks to my sweet sweet friends – Snigdha and Vipul. Everyday seems like a Sunday even if I have work to do. I have the opportunity to work with my childhood friends and create our own business and brands. What more can I ask for?

And even if I’ve spend the last 6 months with nothing concrete to show to someone, I still feel it is better than me having done nothing while still being at my job. At least, I’ve taken the plunge. Thank god I know how to swim!